Quote of the week

“Don’t look back, you’re not going that way.” -Unknown

I actually first saw this quote in my counselor’s office, and it has stuck with me ever since. I think that this concept is so important, especially when it comes to everything that I’ve been struggling with lately. If you stay focused on your past (especially if that past happens to be very painful), you will never be able to enjoy what is happening in the present. Holding grudges and being unforgiving will only end up hurting you in the end, not the other person. It can also cause you to miss out on some really great opportunities if you tell yourself that you can’t do something because of your past. No matter how hard it is, you just have to keep moving and looking forward.

25 Things I’m Thankful For

In honor of Thanksgiving, I wanted to do a post where I list just a few things I’m incredibly thankful for. Now, I know that pretty much everyone does posts like this around this time of the year, but I think that it’s important to keep remembering everything that we have to be thankful for, especially with all of the crazy stuff that has been happening around the world. I encourage you to sit down and do the same. It really puts things in perspective and always makes me feel better. So, here we go!

  1. My family: Despite all the ups and downs we face, they’re always for me no matter what, and I’m so incredibly grateful for that.
  2. The close relationship that I have with my family: I know a lot of people who, for whatever reason, does not like or have much to do with their family. I’m lucky enough to have a good relationship with most everyone in my family, and it means a lot to me.
  3. My boyfriend: I really don’t know what I would do without him. Just like my family, he’s always there for me when I need him, and I know he would do absolutely anything for me. I’m very lucky to have someone like him in my life.
  4. My boyfriend’s family: They’ve been very supportive of our relationship, and I’m so happy that he is able to enjoy the same close relationships with his family that I have with mine.
  5. My faith: Probably more than anything else, I am eternally grateful for my faith. It was the reason I was able to get through depression the first time around, and I know it won’t let me down this time.
  6. My friends: Through losing certain friends, I have come to realize how incredibly special and important true friends are. They are a really amazing blessing.
  7. My blog: I love it 🙂 I’m forever grateful that I have a place to go when I’m feeling particularly stressed, happy, anxious, excited, sad, etc.. It has made a huge difference in my life lately.
  8. Every person who has visited my blog: Seriously, thank you so much! It really means so much to me, and I would gladly do absolutely anything I can for you guys.
  9. My health: This is something I think so many people, especially me, take for granted, but it really is a blessing to have good health.
  10. My family’s health: Kind of going off of that, I know some people who are spending the holidays in the hospital with their sick mom, dad, grandmother, etc., and I really can’t imagine how hard that must be. I’m very grateful that everyone in my family is healthy and home, and I hope that those that are not have a speedy recovery.
  11. My counselor who has helped me through some really rough times: My counselor is an absolutely amazing lady. I’m not sure where I would be today if it wasn’t for her.
  12. My ability to go to college: Sometimes it’s easy to forget with all the homework and studying just what a privilege it is to go to college. Many people never get that opportunity, and I really am grateful for it (even though I don’t show it as much as I should).
  13. I have a place to live: This is something else I definitely take for granted, but there are so many people that don’t have a home to spend the holiday season in.
  14. Safety over Thanksgiving
  15. My dogs: Love my puppies 🙂
  16. The support I’ve received from my family: Over Thanksgiving, I had a conversation with my aunt who offered me so much support and love when it comes to me and my boyfriend. I really can’t describe how much it meant to me.
  17. The volunteer program I recently got accepted into at the local aquarium
  18. The amount of free time I’ve had recently to pursue different interests
  19. The college group I’ve started attending and the way they have made me feel welcome and included
  20. My country: Even though it can be a little crazy at times, I’m forever grateful that this country is still my home.
  21. The soldiers putting their lives on the line and being away from their families in order to defend my country: I know multiple new wives (I don’t know any husbands, but I’m definitely sure there are some) who are not spending their first Thanksgiving as a married couple with their significant other because they are off defending the country. I’m very grateful for their sacrifice.
  22. The public service people who keep us safe: All of them put their lives on the line as well to protect us, and I’m thankful for all they do.
  23. I have enough money to provide for my needs and then some
  24. The chance to start over in a new apartment in the Spring
  25. My relatively good grades this semester: Definitely needed some good grades to boost my GPA a little.

And that’s my 25! I hope everyone had a great Thanksgiving!!

Everything I Didn’t Say (Transportation Edition)

To the guy standing up instead of sitting in the open seat beside me….contrary to common belief, I don’t bite.

To the freshman and transfers new to the bus system….please take off your bookbags when standing on the cramped bus.

To the girl who pushed me into the seat with her bookbag causing me to bleed….please see above….also, in the words of Sheldon, you’ve made my list.

To the guy in the white car that almost hit me getting off the bus….stop when you see a group of people crossing the street….you’ve also made my list.

To the guy in front of me who smelled strongly of brownies….may I borrow your brownie cologne.

To the bus door….thank you for not opening en route causing me to fall out.

To the bus driver….when you have a bus literally packed full of people, you probably shouldn’t drive recklessly….just a thought.

To the residents of my apartment complex….roads are not just big, black sidewalks, and the gates the cars are stopping in actually do close on their own after a while.

To the white car that came over on me twice….stay in your lane.

To the driver of that white car….texting while driving=bad.

To all white cars….why do you hate me.

Hints, Tips, and Things to Try: August Edition

I know I say this every month, but how is it September already?? This year has absolutely flown by. On the plus side, it’s September (!) which is quite possible my favorite month out of the year because it ushers in Fall which happens to be my all time favorite season! Anyway, I’m rambling on about the wrong month.

August has been pretty much all about family for me. Summer classes ended, and I only had a week before fall semester started up again. Because of that, I tried (and am trying) to spend a lot of time with my family on the weekends. I also was officially diagnosed with migraines this month, which may seem like a bad thing, but because of that I was able to get medicine that really helps them which has been great. My dad also turned 50 this month which is really exciting, but also a little scary because I really don’t like to think about my grandparents and parents (or myself for that matter) getting older. So, yeah, overall it’s been a pretty good month, and I really hope that y’all had an equally good month!

Things I Like/Think You Should Try

  1. Invincible Summer. I know I already wrote an entire post on this, but I really just can’t say enough about it. It was one of the best books I’ve read in quite a long time. I read it at a time when I was really pretty terrified about being an adult and graduating college (that’s scary stuff!), and the book definitely helped to put me at ease by reminding me that even if nothing goes to plan, you can still find the strength to go on and keep living and even find beauty and purpose in the little things. I really don’t think you’ll regret reading it. IMG_0870[1].JPG
  2. Tarte, Tarteist Eyeliner. I have been looking for a good eyeliner for quite a while now, so I finally decided to suck it up and try an eyeliner that I didn’t find at Walmart. It ended up coming down to this one and Urban Decay’s 24/7 Glide-On Eye Pencil, but Tarte ended up getting better reviews on Sephora. I’m so incredibly glad I did. I love it. For one, it has both a pencil and a liquid side, so you’re getting two for one. They’re both very pigmented, and at the end of the day, it still looks like you just put it on. Plus, I just really love the packaging. It reminds me of New Years.
  3. Beauty Blender. I know I’m incredibly late on this one, so I won’t say much about it. Just go out and buy one. Definitely worth it. IMG_0871[1].JPG
  4. AllBookstores.com I thought this one was appropriate for the beginning of the new semester. A friend of mine told me about this website for renting textbooks about a year ago, and I’ve been using it ever since. Basically, you just type in the book information, and it compares the prices for that same book from lots of different bookstores. It also tells you whether the price is for renting or buying the book, so you can narrow it down that way. This semester alone it’s saved me over $200, so it’s definitely something to look into.
  5. Rate My Professor. Also for the start of the new semester. This website has changed my life when it comes to signing up for classes. Just type in a professor’s name, check that it’s the right school, and a rating with reviews from past students comes up. It’s really nice to get a general idea of what you’re getting into.

Random Things I Learned This Month

  1. Veins carry blood to the heart and arteries carry blood away from the heart.
  2. The smallest bird is the bumblebee hummingbird (It’s also incredibly cute).
  3. The Kiwi Bird can’t fly (also adorable).
  4. You tend to do better in classes when you actually pay attention to the professor.
  5. A snail breathes through its foot.

From the Raven’s Desk-Love

A while ago, I asked my boyfriend to write something for my blog since I thought he gave really great advice, and, many time, a different perspective on things than I normally would. I think different perspectives are very much a good thing and help you to form a more well rounded opinion. For his debut post, he chose to write about love, and besides the fact that I feel a bit awkward posting something that glamorizes me so much (didn’t know it was going to end up being about me lol), I really love and agree with what he said. Enjoy!


 

Well, hello there, snoopy little one! Looking down the rabbit hole, are we, now? You’ve most certainly heard of me from Alice. I’m the one she keeps referring to as The Hatter, or well, “her boyfriend.” When Alice first wanted me to write on this blog, I was a little hesitant. I mean, this blog, was, after all, always meant to be a way for Alice to help people like she loves doing, an outlet for her creativity, and a place for her to write, meet people, and just be herself. Plus, from what I’ve read on her posts, Alice makes me sound like a nice, helpful person, which I most certainly am not, and it’s going to be incredibly hard to live up to that pedestal Alice puts me on. It brings to mind the saying about never meeting your heroes, although I’m far from a hero, and you’ll probably never really meet me. Anyway, I digress. When I agreed to write a post on the blog, I was thinking about what I should write about, and while there’s a bunch of stuff I could write about, I feel nothing would be as appropriate as talking about the one thing that all of us love: Love. (See what I did there? ;))

I’m going to be honest here and say that I never used to be a big believer in love. While most people are turned away from love because they find the concept of it cheesy, or because they’ve had incidents that have pushed them towards that conclusion, to me, love was always something that I never thought I needed. I have always been incredibly ambitious, and a big dreamer, as Alice will tell you (I don’t really do anything with my dreams, but hey, that’s another story!), and I have, as long as I can remember, wanted to leave a mark on the world, have a page in the annals of history, make a name for myself. Having a happy family, in a house with a white picket fence, and watching kids run around was never something that appealed to me. In fact, I used to think that people who settled for a family were settling for something less than their “purpose” in life. All this, of course, changed when I met Alice, and that’s the reason we’re here today.

How I feel today couldn’t be further from how I used to feel about love. Since Alice came into my life my outlook towards life, and the world in general has changed quite a bit. “It’s love that makes the world go round,” said W. S. Gilbert. While I don’t know if that applies to the whole world, I know that it does to mine. Alice and I met online, on Wattpad, a site for bloggers. We started talking on that site for a while, and then started texting each other, and I still remember the day we had our first Skype conversation. I was boarding a bus to go visit some friends, and found a nice, secluded spot at the back and connected to the Wi-Fi. When Alice told me that she was having trouble getting on her computer as she had just spilt some Coke on it, I thought that I had been getting cat-fished for sure. I hadn’t. Alice really is that much of a klutz. I saw her for the first time, ever, and I couldn’t believe my eyes. She was beautiful, and far beyond what I had expected. I’d seen pictures of her, but they did her no justice, and her personality – a combination of naivety, awkwardness, and general goofiness, was unbelievably endearing. The reason I remember that day so vividly, is not just because it was the first time I “met” Alice, but because she wouldn’t stop talking! I’d been hearing for days about how shy she was with new people, and here she was, telling me about her entire family (this included her grandfather, grandmother, great-grand-uncle, and relatives I can’t even connect back to her now!)

From that day on, I’d say that Alice has changed me in ways that I never thought I’d ever change. I went from questioning the whole concept of a family, to wanting kids with her. From thinking that love was something stupid people did to wile away time, to wanting to spend every minute I possible could, with her. From thinking that long-distance was a sorry excuse for people that were either too shy or too busy to have a “real” relationship, to wanting to beat the odds, and spend a life together. In our own small way, I think we have shown ourselves, and the people around us, that love really does exist. That ‘true love’ is a possibility for even the biggest critic of the concept. That you really can put another person above yourself.

This is my understanding of love. It is far from the “one true way” and I will be the first to acknowledge that love can often take a different form and meaning to different individuals. To me, love is about wanting to spend every waking minute with another person. Love, is about thinking of someone and feeling that warm glow spread through you. Love, is about doing things that you’d never do otherwise, simply because you derive your happiness from another’s. Love, is about being yourself, and knowing that nothing will change. Love, is about going to bed, and waking up, thankful that you get another day to spend with your significant other. Love, is about wanting to watch the stars together, lying in a lush green meadow, holding hands, without a care in the world. Love, is about growing old together, hobbling away into the sunset, hands held. Love, is about Alice.

 

 

 

Confused Career

Lately, I’ve been in something of a crisis when it comes to deciding what I want to do with my life. Most college degrees, it seems like, require you to know exactly what you want to do within the first two years for you to make it out within four years. That did not happen with me….haha. I went into my Freshman year of college as a Criminal Justice major. Then, at orientation, I changed it to Nursing. Sophomore year it switched to Chemistry. Once I switched colleges a third time spring semester of Sophomore year, it became Science Education with an emphasis in Chemistry. Junior year that became Science Education with an emphasis in Biology. Towards the end of Junior year it started inching towards Biology in order to become a Physician’s Assistant.

Phew….I got a little stressed out just typing all that….

Anyway, it is incredibly apparent that from the beginning of my college career I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life. Not much has changed since then. I’ve gone from major to major searching for that one career path that will make me excited to get up and go to work every morning. It wasn’t until recently, though, that I realized my search has been less about what I really want to do/feel good about doing and more about what my family and others expect out of me.

My generation is the first in my family to go to college. Out of them, I’ve always gotten the best grades, so my family always expected me to get out of college and make lots of money by being a doctor, PA, lawyer, chemist, etc. My mom on the other hand, always wanted to be a teacher, but without a college degree or the willpower to go back to college has instead focused on trying to get me to become a teacher instead. Now, I am definitely a people pleasing type of person, especially when it comes to my family, so all of this has very much caused me to wonder if my degree changes have been entirely my pursuit of happiness or my desire to please someone in my family. Honestly, it has been incredibly frustrating and confusing.

Last night, I got so depressed about it and the way I felt my life was heading that I completely broke down to my boyfriend who suggested I write down a list of 50 career choices I think I would like doing (even if I didn’t have the talents at the moment or it seemed impossible) or have wanted to do going back to my childhood. 50 is kind of a lot, so the career choices started becoming a bit crazy. You would think writing down so many options would be overwhelming, but surprisingly, it helped a lot. Allowing myself to dream and imagine new possibilities for my life other than just what would make me lots of money helped to give me a better outlook on life and what it could be. I actually started believing in myself a bit more!

Because it helped me so much, I decided to post it on here. I know some are a bit far fetched, but that’s what makes it fun!

  1. PA
  2. Cake Decorator/Baker
  3. Shamu’s Trainer
  4. Actress
  5. Blogger
  6. YouTuber
  7. Teacher
  8. OBGYN
  9. Stay at Home Mom
  10. Journalist
  11. Counselor
  12. Author
  13. Wedding Planner
  14. Web Designer
  15. Disney World Character
  16. Duck Farmer
  17. Chef
  18. Script Writer
  19. Model
  20. Wedding Dress Store Person
  21. Nurse
  22. Midwife
  23. Nonprofit for Aged Out Foster Kids
  24. Medieval Times Character
  25. FBI agent
  26. Penguin Keeper
  27. Singer
  28. Dog Breeder
  29. Lawyer
  30. Judge
  31. Photographer
  32. Investigator
  33. Genetic Counselor
  34. Press Secretary
  35. Paralegal
  36. Crocheter
  37. Editor
  38. Therapist
  39. Zoologist
  40. Reality star
  41. Assistant
  42. Interviewer
  43. Professional Couch Potato
  44. Birds of Prey Specialist
  45. Makeup Artist
  46. TV Show Host
  47. Disney Cast Member
  48. Party Planner
  49. Match Maker
  50. Foster Parent

Hints, Tips, and Things to Try: July Edition

So, this is something I want to do every month where I just list out the things I’ve learned throughout the month (some of them are funny, and some of them a bit more serious). I also wanted to list a few things I’ve really been enjoying this month that I think you guys would like as well! Basically, I just want it to be a quick reflection over the past month, and what’s included will probably be different every month. We’ll see how it goes. 🙂

Things I Like/Think You Should Try

  1. Duolingo . My boyfriend actually introduced me to this site when I said that I wished I had more time in my college career to learn a second language. I knew a little bit of French from my two semesters of it in high school and one semester in college, but I was nowhere near fluent like I wanted to be. I immediately checked it out, and I love it. It’s really simple to use, gives you a wide variety of languages to choose from, it doesn’t cost anything, and best of all, you can do it on your own time. According to my little owl on the side of the screen I am now 20% fluent in french. I know. I’ve still got a long way to go, but it’s a start.
  2. Our Q&A a Day I actually found this on Amazon while looking for a birthday present for my boyfriend. I love writing in journals, and I’m always looking for different things to do with him, so I decided to get it. Basically, you find the right date, and there’s a thought provoking question at the top of each page with space for both you and your significant other to answer. Under that, there’s space for the both of you to fill your answers out again the next year and the year after that. Then you can look back at your answers and see how they’ve changed from year to year. My boyfriend and I have both really had fun with it. If you want to go a little longer, there’s also a five year one, and if you prefer not to do it with a boyfriend/girlfriend there’s a similar one for moms, kids, and just one for yourself! I feel like any of them would make really great gifts for any occasion, especially birthdays and anniversaries.

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  1. Sivaji. My boyfriend actually made me watch this movie since I had never seen a Tamil movie before. I can honestly say it was an interesting experience haha. Apparently like other Tamil movies, it was three hours long (much longer than other movies I’m used to watching), and they broke out into singing and dancing quite often. I definitely wish that I could dance like those girls in the movie were….Anyway, the main character was played by a man named Rajinkanth who I’ve been told it quite the celebrity where my boyfriend grew up. Seriously, people go absoluty nuts over this guy. Like One Direction nuts. If you don’t believe me, watch this video and keep in mind that his is just a trailer for one of his movies….which they had to show twice to appease people. Overall, though, I actually really enjoyed the movie. It was lighthearted and fun to watch, and it was nice to learn about another culture while watching it.

Random Things I Learned This Month

  • Dishwashing Liquid is very different from Dishwasher detergent, and should not be used in place of Dishwasher detergent unless you’d like to spend a good chunk of your time cleaning up a very wet and soapy floor….IMG_0188[1].JPG
  • Always leave a pair of running shorts in your car in case you happen to spill coffee on your crotch right before class starts.
  • Also, it’s okay to skip class if you’ve spilled coffee on your pants. In fact, it’s much better than the alternative.
  • When green lizards pop out that red thing under their neck, they’re trying to mark out their territory.
  • Don’t ever take Organic Chemistry, Biology, and Medical Terminology together in the summer….

Everything I Didn’t Say

To my best friend,

Sometimes it hurts listening to you talk about all the fun you had in school. I know it shouldn’t bother me. I know that you don’t mean to hurt me, and it’s not your fault that I was always on the other end of the totem pole when it came to popularity. I know you’re just trying to share your life and experiences with me, and I know that I never show it, but deep inside, in a place I don’t want you to see, I’m crying.

You were everything I always wanted to be in school. You were charming, funny, popular, always had a date, and everyone loved you. Everyone still does, and I couldn’t be prouder to call you my friend. You’re perfect, and I think the worst part is, you don’t even get it. You don’t see the people desperately wishing they could be you, to have your intellect, your natural charisma, your drive.

You try to act like you need me. That I’m all you have, but the truth hits me like a slap in the face. You don’t. You don’t need me.

I need you, though. I desperately need you. You really are all I have. No one has ever been there for me like you are. No one has ever treated me the way you do, and, most of all, no one has made me feel wanted like you do.

You have it all. You always have. You say that you wish you could go back to school, and relive the best days of your life, but I don’t. I don’t want to go back there. I don’t ever want to go back to that place where I felt so incredibly alone and lost. You tell me about how mean you were in school. You tell me you wish you could go back and change the way you hurt people, and I realize that you’re talking about me. The people you want to apologize to are just like me. They were me in school, and maybe it’s some sort of weird twist of fate that we’re so close.

You get so excited when you talk about me meeting your friends, and I want to be to. I want so desperately to share your enthusiasm and meet the people from your stories. The people you talk about all the time. The group of friends that owned the school, but the truth is I’m terrified. I’m scared they’ll see through me. I’m scared they’ll realize that I don’t fit in. I’m afraid they’ll show you, and I’m afraid you’ll leave me too.

I’m so afraid you’ll leave me too.

-Alice

P.S. This post was inspired by the song by 5 Seconds of Summer, “Everything I Didn’t Say” which you can find here. I’m betting this is probably the first of many other post like this.

Goodbye to Organic Chem….

Well, I just got my first Organic Chemistry test back, and since it’s lower than my mom’s age, I figured it would just be best to drop the course. Sadly, I actually studied for this test….like really hard. I don’t think I’ve ever put that much effort into actually doing well in a class, but in the end it just didn’t work out.

You know what the sad part was, though? I almost felt relieved when I got my grade back and knew that I had to drop the course. That class, along with my others, had made me so absolutely miserable and stressed out that not taking it, no matter what the long term graduation consequences would be, surprisingly made me happy.

I can now actually go back to enjoying my summer! I can start blogging again instead of just thinking up topics to write about and saying I’ll get to them later. I can start reading again, something I used to love doing, and until very recently had not had time to do for quite a while (I read The Cellar by Natasha Preston in two days, which I might end up doing a book review on just because).  I can spend much more time with my boyfriend, and most importantly, I might actually stop having migraines every Thursday night (seriously, they come like clockwork recently).

Not to say that I didn’t have a good cry after I found out I had failed the test I worked so hard on. It’s really hard not to get upset when you’ve put so much time and energy into something just to have it crumble around you. In the long run, I think it might actually be a good thing, so we’ll just have to see what happens with graduation!

Hopefully you’ll be hearing from me a lot more,

-Alice

My Story: Part 1

As I said in my last post, I’ve decided to write a series of posts (probably like three or so) just telling you guys my story. The reasons behind why I’m doing this, what it’s going to be like, what you can expect, etc. can all be found in this little introduction post in case you want to take a look at it. Alright, here we go!

First off, I just wanted to clarify something. My real name isn’t Alice. It’s just a pseudonym I came up with after naming my blog. I have thought about putting my real identity on here, but if I do, it is definitely not going to be anytime soon.  That’s usually why I’m so vague when it comes to talking about people (“my cousin,” “my boyfriend,” etc.) instead of actually saying their names. If I mention someone a lot, I’ll just start giving out pseudonyms as well.

Okay, now that that’s out of the way….

I’ve come to realize that middle school (or at the very least the middle school I attended) has a way of sifting people. Going in, I remember being very excited. After all, that’s what all fifth graders look forward to, right? Being one of the big kids. A school where you get your own locker, you can actually walk down the hallway without being in a straight line, and join school sports and clubs. It’s exciting!

At orientation, I proudly walked into my new school with my group of best friends by my side, signed up for band (for some reason being in band is cool when you start sixth grade….not so much after), and found my name in the long list of sixth graders that would tell me what “team” I was going to be on. Team 1. Just to clarify, the teams were basically made up of the group of teachers you were going to have. If you had team one, you would have one set of teachers, and if you had team two, you would have the other.

I happily walked over to where my other friends were looking for their names and asked which team they got. Team 2. Team 2. Team 2. Team 2. As my friends all squealed in delight at the prospect of being together, it suddenly hit me that I was about to start middle school with absolutely no one.

The first day came, and I found my spot in homeroom. I think that’s when it really occurred to me how difficult this year was about to be. Three small elementary schools fed into the middle school, and as I looked around the classroom at people finding their old friends, I found that I didn’t recognize anyone from my old school. As the day went by, it was only more of the same. People sitting next to their old friends and meeting new ones while I sat in my little desk, too afraid and upset to say anything.

Now, let me also say, most of the girls looked a lot different than they had in elementary school. Apparently, their moms had taken the previous summer to teach them about things like makeup, hair, and clothes while my mom….well….had not. So while the other girls were covering up their insecurities with foundation, Aeropostale, mascara, and straighteners, I was still wearing the same elementary school clothes, unruly hair, makeup-less face, and glasses that had somehow been okay the previous year.

I’m sure you can probably guess where this is going….

That’s right! A few weeks later, I began to notice the newly formed group of popular girls (somehow they were in all of my classes with me….go figure) staring at me and laughing. Eight hours of this all day, every day with no friends around to comfort you, shockingly enough, does not do wonders for the ‘ole self-esteem. Unfortunately, it took months before the teachers began to notice it, but by that time it was too late.

Any and all the self-esteem and self-respect I once had for myself was long gone. I found myself taking the long way to classes everyday just to avoid everyone else, I kept my head down in the hallways, and I started doing terribly in band as I was afraid to make a mistake since that would cause unwanted attention to myself. Towards the end of the year, the teachers decided that it would be best to switch up my classes.

They told me not to tell anyone why I was switching classes since that would probably just make things worse, so I didn’t. Without those girls around me all the time, I actually started to enjoy middle school. I started making new friends, and the next two years I was relieved to find out I had classes with some of my old friends. Our old group of friends became stronger than ever, and I felt safe….but the fear and hurt was still there.

See, while switching classes and gaining back friends helped me enjoy school more, it didn’t take away the deep rooted pain that the year left behind. It just masked it, and I carried it with me as I left middle school behind and started high school….