Looking Back

I always think it’s funny when I go home and see someone from my middle and high school days. Most of the time, they have absolutely no clue who I am. Even if they used to see me every single day, they look straight past me like I’m a stranger. Usually it’s to talk to one of my old friends that I’m hanging out with. It isn’t until the person I’m with says my name that they recognize me. Then once they do it’s usually followed by, “Alice! I didn’t even recognize you! You’re so pretty now.”

It’s weird how a compliment can hurt so bad.

It’s weird how people who used to make you lower your head in the hallway to keep from getting made fun of suddenly want to be your friend. It’s weird how guys who used to never give you a second glance suddenly want to give you the attention you always wished for. Most of all, it’s weird how seeing one person can bring back such a rush of memories and pain from your past.

My mom and I recently went to lunch with a girl I used to do gymnastics with quite a while back. We were best friends in Elementary school when we first got put on the same team together. She used to come over to our house almost every day, and my parents thought of her as one of their own. Then middle school hit, and the team that used to be like my family didn’t seem to want me anymore. I went from being a part of them to feeling like an outsider looking in. Ultimately, it was the reason I decided to quit before high school.

Then high school hit, and I lost contact with everyone. I went to school with her, but we were on different paths. Now, about four years later, my parents are trying to push us back together again. Lunch was one of those attempts. Sometime during the conversation, she brought up another chat she had with another one of our old teammates recently.

“I was asking her if she remembered all those times I made you cry. Do you remember that? There were so many of them.”

Afterwards she just laughed, and my mom looked at me, confused. “I’m surprised you still want to have lunch with me after all that.” She continued, and I still said nothing. My mom, always trying to diffuse tension replied, “well, you two were always like sisters anyway. That’s what sisters do. They fight.”

Now, I may not know a lot about sisters since I’m an only child, but if someone is consistently making you cry, there’s a problem….

Anyway, I say all that to say this. If you’re in middle school, high school, or even college, and you’re feeling alone. If you’re feeling like an outsider or you just don’t think you fit in, it’s going to pass. In a few more years, you’re going to see someone from back then and realize that they don’t have that hold on you like they used to. That phase of your life is going to end, and you’re going to be a better person for it.

Just hold on. Don’t give up, and above all, don’t lose yourself in the process. No matter what anyone tells you, you are amazing just the way you are, and you can do anything you set your mind to. If no one else believes in you, I do. 🙂

-Alice

*If you ever have any questions, comments, need advice, etc. Please feel free to e-mail me at aliceboyd713@gmail.com or leave something in the comments sections!*

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